Why, as a reasonable person, I cannot vote for The Baby Jesus or The Buddha
Submitted by WantMyCountryBack on November 23, 2007 - 12:50pm.
Humor
My diary crossposted from DailyKos, because the level of fervor over whose candidate is the Second Coming of FDR, versus everyone else's candidates who are The Devil, has reached epic proportions. The Democratic party really is very prone to self-flagellation during primary season. I thought maybe we could use a laugh over here as well.
"This is an appeal to all of those who are seeking the path of True Progressiveness (blessed be its name). You will not find the salvation of the Democratic Party in either The Baby Jesus or The Buddha. As a matter of fact, they both suck. I've thought about this long and hard, and have decided that making sure you guys are acutely and constantly aware of my distaste for them is a selfless public service on my part. No need to thank me - I live to serve. Please follow me over the fold, while I vaguely trash them both, in the name of being helpful to you all as you make your similar decisions.
The Baby Jesus cannot be our nominee, period. His negatives are huge. Old scandals would dog us the entire election. I mean, do we really know who his father was? We all know what he says, and for sure the hostile Romans have suspiciously and thoroughly investigated him and everyone around him. But no records will be released for about 300 years, so do we reeeeeaaallly know for sure? And Jesus is in someone's pocket. I have no solid proof, but I think there was some quid pro quo going on with those wealthy Magi. You can't tell me that they don't expect anything in return for that frankincense and myrhh. Whose wedding will get the water-into-wine, hmmmm? Yes, I know he has a track record of support of Liberal causes like healing for the masses, advocating for adulterous women, and is decidely pro the-little-children, but I just can't get past the whore-for-the-Magi thing. Not to mention he'd be nowhere and nothing without John the Baptist. Then there's the question of him bringing that right wing Saul/Paul on staff. Inexcusable! Yes, I know that he has the campaign skills to probably take Jesus from a simple Galilee preacher to Savior of the World, and we all criticized Bush for hiring based on ideology, not skills, but I just can't stomach the guy.
The Buddha is not much better. I love his message, but he's simply not electable. The swiftboaters are going to have a field day with a name like Siddhartha. Trust me, if the American people can't spell it, they're not likely to vote for it. When watching the last debate, he was downright embarrassing. He kept responding to the questions with some sort of confusing koan. Geez, the man can't answer a simple question! He inspires me, he truly does. But will he get anything done, and can he fight back against the Rebublicans? Sorry, but an enigmatic smile is not going to make the right wing noise machine back off.
The final straw with both these candidates came for me when they completely dissed the netroots by not adequately sucking up to my favorite blogger. When 50 people scream obscenities at you in a blog thread, the proper response is to come back for more, Mr Candidate. How dare you walk away when I'm calling you a **%$#^! Most of you know what I'm talking about, but if you don't, you can read all about it at http://www.egocirclejerk.com. Wear asbestos, because the flame wars are raging.
So I guess at this point I'm going with one of these guys:
I included the pollowing Poll:
Who should I support in the primary?
the Baby Jesus
the Buddha
leftover turkey
more self-flagellation for the Democratic party!
Kumbaya, my ass
burn the tent down - only primitive camping counts
It will be over soon
pumpkin
sweet potato
only weird southern people eat sweet potato
Where's Al, Goddammit?
Where's Clark, Goddammit?
Where's Vilsack, Goddammit?
If only Kucinich was taller
Fake links are one of my favorite forms of snark. :-)
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." - Oscar Wilde
ETA: Oh, yeah, the Kos diary link was broken! Fixed it. The one at the end is fake on purpose.
For yay, though I haven't had a campaign event in more than two thousand years, I have not saideth that I won'teth runeth. Currently it would taketh a miracle to overcome Hillary's lock on the Democratic party, but I still gotteth some trickseth up my sleeveth!
Also, Buddha hateseth puppies.
I just got a little weary. I'm all for criticism and debate, but some days it reaches the point where I think that a combination of Jesus, Buddha, the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa, the Pope, and St Francis would be "the worst thing that could happen to the country" in the minds of Dems.
Um, no. That would be the neocons. Any of our candidates would be okay, just some better than others.
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." - Oscar Wilde
It's absolutely insane to me sometimes. I like churches in that they are fine community building things, the Ten Commandments are a great way to teach some basic things to kids but whew! I saw some tape of a ballistically evangelical church and it gave me the willies. I wanted to check out the movie "Jesus Camp" but that would no doubt scare the bezeebus out of me even more!
I'm into the gnostics and their idea of who Jesus was, and how he was just a dude that took the most heinous abuse and caused that change in thought about torture and such.
Last Easter there was the big to-do about the discovery of a tomb that was proposed to be Jesus, Mary and their kid. What became fascinating wasn't whether it was really them, but how the debate came out.
"DNA testing could prove this to be Jesus and Mary Magdeline", "The odds of these three people having these names and being buried in the same place is like a bazillion to one"
Then you have Donnely, Captain Jackass: "You cannot prove these things!" "Everyone knows that Jesus rose from the dead and was assumed into heaven"
Why do you need these outrageous claims to hold up the example! And also, the meek will inherit the earth.. fine.. but when the non-meeks are done with it.. who the hell will want it!?
Anyways, I always thought that JC was just saying that everybody is the children of "God" and peeps were just primitive in how they interpreted these things. (Reification is a good thing to understand also)
Besides, everyone at dailykos understands that John Edwards is Christ the Lord. He can turn anything into whine. :p
I would honestly agree with almost all of Edwards positions. I just don't buy that he had an epiphany on the road to Damascus, and came by all these populist views suddenly in the last 3 years. I call him Johnny-come-lately. Say what you will about Hillary, she is what she is, and has not tried to tell us otherwise.
I must admit, I come the closest to being nasty when it comes to Edwards. But even he's still a world better then Giuliani or Romney or Huckabee.
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." - Oscar Wilde
JE is most certainly the French Revolutionary, working his hardest to figure out where people are going so that he can lead them.
Some of the things he says are straight from a dailykos rant blog. Not to mention the complete reversal he's done on so many things since 2003-2004.
Born again pollster imo. I just can't stand it.
I really don't have a scale for that kind of politics to say better or worse, it's just not something I'd like to see successful anymore. I spose degrees of triangulation is a thing, but it's all just too sick. Also the litmus test issues that broad stroke the two party divide are problematic and probably aid and abet the corrosive dynamic, forcing people to be more pro-life or more pro-choice and get out now, get out next week, bomb everybody or whatever, the "Political shorthand" as General Clark called it. "Who's it good for?" exactly.
Right now, I think if Mike Bloomberg runs, he wins. Dobbs.. not so much.
This post of yours made the Baby Jesus cry. I hope you are pleased with yourself.
We all know you're really pro-Buddha.
Frankly I'm getting pretty damn sick of these dynasticals anyway.
Plant.
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." - Oscar Wilde
I'm voting for this guy
Dalai '08!
disclaimer: I'd really rather vote for Mother Teresa...just becuz she's a woman and she's rubbed elbows with all those vip's...nvm that she took her vows with a real player
"The citizen who sees his society's democratic clothes being worn out and does not cry out is not a patriot but a traitor." -- Mark Twain
The Dalai is nothing but Buddha-lite. But I will hold my nose and support him in the general if he's nominated.
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." - Oscar Wilde
buddah-lite-weight - true
...and too, Teresa does seem to be
standing tough to the swiftboaters
"The citizen who sees his society's democratic clothes being worn out and does not cry out is not a patriot but a traitor." -- Mark Twain
Saw your sweet fella over at dkos. What a cutie. I've shared my life with four ferrets over the years: Napoleon, Zippo, Lumpy and The Beav. Mysterious (and fast) little creatures.
Tell Bandersnatch I said hello!
Oh - and love your diary. I voted for pumpkin. In fact, going to have another piece now. :-)
Jabberwocky, Mimsy, and Alice have all passed on. Bandersnatch and TumTum are still with me. They are both committed to seeing that ferret-hating lunatic Giuliani kept out of the Whitehouse.
TumTum:
Bandersnatch:
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." - Oscar Wilde
You guys are too funny! The kos diary is a classic! Thanks for the giggles, WMCB/SS! :D
Once in a while you get shown the light, In the strangest of places if you look at it right.
The far right Buddha faction has been know to toss TBJ supporters to the lions. I think I'll sit this one out.
Great stuff, WantMy. I horse-laughed all the way through it.
Stan Davis
Lakewood, CO
Wes Clark -- Don't settle for less.
Make America All It Can Be!
Swift Carpenters for Truth claims that Jesus doesn't really know how to use a hammer and other carpentry tools; rather, things just miraculously fit together via whatever voodoo TBJ was born with.
for president, we wouldn't be happy. I think we would speculate that it's all an alien conspiracy, and if that is true then why even bother with elections.
to that alien candidate being shoved down my throat like it's inevitable!
"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular." - Oscar Wilde
shoving things down the throat... sorry about that.
Yeah, aliens are something to think about, that is for sure.
So how about having angels vs devils on the political list :-).
But your link is broken.