To improve image, GOP turns to liquor, prostitutes.
Submitted by Hogfan on October 27, 2006 - 4:46pm.
republicans | Values | Current Events | Humor
After a long string of charges including corruption, racial slurs, bribery, influence peddling, a shooting, election fraud, overall incompetence and inappropriate advances toward minors, members of the Republican party today announced a new campaign to improve their public image.
As part of the initiative, GOP leaders reportedly agreed to a long-term, PR program intended to improve their public perception by 2011 from “low-down, dirty scumbags” to “cold-blooded snakes in the grass” – and ultimately, by 2016, to “people who could be trusted not to steal their neighbors’ lawn sprinklers.”
Details of the plan have yet to be finalized, but anonymous sources say the Republicans understand the reality of their image problems and are committed for the long-term to correcting those issues.
“Baby steps,” said one staffer.
Another aide mentioned a series of high-profile appearances with individuals considered more reputable than Republicans, hoping that a little public elbow-rubbing with prostitutes and heavy drinkers might transition their public image from criminals to mere ne’er do wells. Other plans reportedly include refusing to take lobbying dollars from Big Tobacco and Big Oil, opting instead for contributions from the Pit Bull Breeders Association and the Organization of Highly Flammable Childrenswear Manufacturers.
“There’s no quick fix to this problem,” said political science professor Mark Rafkin, “but conducting a healthy debate of the issues starts when they stop calling anyone who disagrees ‘Nazis.’”
But I think I heard somewhere that the Organization of Highly Flammable Childrenswear Manufacturers is a front group for anti-global warming junk science funded by a slush fund of Texaco kickbacks.
Patriotic? Provocative? Pissed off? Get your protest on at http://www.cafepress.com/fightinwords
If only I could get paid, I'd love to do that.
Otherwise, I have a hard time squeezing in regular blogging between real work, freelance work, t-shirt shop work, working out and...what's that other thing?
Oh yeah. Sleep.
Patriotic? Provocative? Pissed off? Get your protest on at http://www.cafepress.com/fightinwords
be a long, hard road don't they, Hogfan?
Win with Wes in '08
...it'll never happen. The Republican Party will have to disband and re-invent itself as something productive. That would be a beautiful thing.
Patriotic? Provocative? Pissed off? Get your protest on at http://www.cafepress.com/fightinwords
Movin' at the speed of sound
There has never been a lull in the motion
Conversations swirl around
Strangers questioning their devotion
Welcome to the world of talk shows
Where everybody seems to know
People talk and never listen
Come to their conclusions
So we'll feed 'em with the spoon
That makes the medicine go down
Baby you got it
Baby we wrote it
Maybe you thought that we sugar coat it
Aint gonna hide it
Gotta expose it
Yeah, we're gonna let our light shine
Standing on the stage of life
We are waiting for the final curtain
You can take a seat and watch tonight
But you're gonna get more than you came for
Bam
And welcome to our jam
Where folks are getting down
The Jesus freaks from every part of this here town
You can try and ask us why
We came to this solution
Though words may fly
You can't deny
It's in the air tonight
Baby you got it
Baby we wrote it
Maybe you thought that we sugar coat it
Aint gonna hide it
Gotta expose it
Yeah, we're gonna let our light shine
Boom
They thought we'd change our tune
They thought that we'd go bust
They thought we'd crumble like my grandma's flaky crust
Kapow
up in the here and now
The truth is screaming BIG
A light so bright
Whether day or night
It can't be hid
Baby you got it
Baby we wrote it
Aint gonna hide it
Yeah, we're gonna let our love light shine
Baby you got it
Baby we wrote it
Maybe you thought that we sugar coat it
Aint gonna hide it
Gotta expose it
Yeah, we're gonna let our light shine
Let your love shine
Let your love shine
Let your love shine
Let your love light shine
Your love light shine
Let your love shine
Let your love shine
Let your love shine
Let your love light shine
Sugar coat it
-- DC Talk, Intermission, Sugarcoat It
And very nice, DC Talk.
Thanks for sharing.
Patriotic? Provocative? Pissed off? Get your protest on at http://www.cafepress.com/fightinwords
There is no need to impune the character of prostitutes and pit-bull breeders by associating them with the GOP and Big Oil.